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jojoworld
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Name: Joann
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 8/20/1979
Gender: Female
Interests: swing dancing, modern dancing, hip hop dancing, singing, jazz music, learning new instruments, trying new foods, culturual sensitivity, learning about different cultures, learning new languages, missions, going to the beach, wathcing the sunset, watching plays/musicals, listening to music, meeting new people, traveling, hiking
Expertise: public health, health education, cultural sensitivity, sharing the gospel, getting people pumped, laughing, eating chinese food, being spazztic, making people laugh, externalizing my thoughts
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Medical
Message: message me
Member Since:
11/21/2003
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| Lord I'm AmazedI'm singing:
"Lord I'm Amazed By You, Lord I'm Amazed by You, Lord I'm Amazed by You, how you love me.
You dance over me, while I am unaware. I sing all around, but I never hear the sound... Lord I Amazed."
Did you know that the Hebrew word for Rejoice actually means to dance, to leap with gladness? It's not a rejoice merely in verbal form but physical form.
I can truly say that the past couple weeks God has just been meeting me in such a personal, intimate way. He's been speaking to me about some really sensitive issues in my life. He's allowed certain events in my life to happen in order to trigger the pain that needs to be healed and transformed. To be honest, I have a lot of anger that has not been resolved. And He is allowing me to confront my anger which is a result of a lot of pain and trauma from my childhood.
But do you know how amazing He is? When I realized I still have so much anger in me, I didn't know what to do. I went to the bookstore and bought two books. One is called, the Anger Workbook. I bought it thinking this is a good book... even better if I could work through it with someone to help keep me accountable. I started to think and consider who would do this book with me? Two mediocre options came about. Two days later as I was walking to choir practice, a lady asked if I was heading to the class. I ask, "what class?"and I saw in her hand was the Anger Workbook. So I immediately ask, "are you going to an anger support group?" Why yes, isn't that where you're going?"And then I was like "no, but I need to get into that class!!!! "
So the deal is.. the group was already going on for 3 weeks and it has now been closed. I talked to the coordinator of the group and explained to her my situation how God is clearly wanting me to be in the class... she agreed and made an exception and let me in.
Now guess what else? I made a decision to go back to the single's bible study instead of going to my original growth group. And what do you know? They are discussing anger and going through case studies in the bible about people who express their anger in sinful ways. Ok, God is totally speaking to me and definitely wants me to work through this anger. He is with me and He knows.
I realize that a lot of my anger stems from a lack of love, respect, and care that I experienced through my childhood. And I have been carrying it to this day even tho it's not really apparent in my day to day living. I also realize that this kinda neglect and lack of love causes me to gravitate towards some unhealthy behaviors and patterns in my life. I have come to a point where these unhealthy patterns are so visible that I cannot deny it nor resume back to my old familiar ways. He wants to do a new thing in me. He wants to grow a river in a desert wasteland. He wants to completely fill me with His unconditional love- the kind of love that I have been seeking for all my life but have tried to fill it through other futile means that never lasts or satisfies me. Prior to my physical injuries, it was through my talents, skills, and gifts. Lately, it has been through certain relationships. Not anymore, He says. He wants to satisfy this deep need once and for all just like the way He filled that women at the well so that she would never thirst again. I know He wants to satisfy my thirst so that I need not depend on anything else for my sense of worth or identity. I can be rock solid and confident in His unwavering, unfailing love.
So I prayed, Lord show me that you love me in a tangible personal way. Well guess what?! God has been answering me--- and He knows how to best answer that need... in unexpected ways. I am amazed by the love He has shown me through my close knit girlfriends. Dang, they are a gift from God. Although their love is imperfect and flawed, I am able to see, hear, and believe that they love me, but more so.. they love me because God has put them in my life to help show me love in a way that I am not used to receiving.
And there's more.... a couple days after I prayed this, my boss who is a Christian knows a bit about my childhood and the personal struggles I've been dealing with lately. We were talking on the phone about work related stuff and then she shares with me how God has put me on her heart to act as a mentor in my life and wants to spend intentional time with me outside of work. She feels that God has put a special tender love for me in her heart... she sees how precious and loved I am by Him and is excited that God showed this to her. Then she said, I really do think He wants you to know that He loves you. And if I can be part of that process for you even if it hurts me and comes at a cost to me, I want to do it. She says, Joann, I really think God has brought you do the Music place for this reason, to heal you.
I was shocked... I couldn't even gather my thoughts. What?! my boss wanting to bless and spiritually mentor me and be used by God to listen to my issues and brokeness? I've never had a boss that was sincerely caring for my well-being and heart apart from how well I do, how much I produce, or perform at work. It was always how much they can get out of me rather than what they can pour into me. They never had much time to listen or really care about what was really going on in my inner life when there was so much work to be done
This is definitely God. I just cannot tell you how many other testimonies of just the special specific ways He is caring for my wounded heart. Just a compassionate word of kindness towards my brokeness and insecurities is like a healing balm to my heart. Friends, boss, anger group facilitator, being patient and ok with my repeated fears and insecurities is an act of His grace and acceptance that I dearly need. A job where I feel truly unqualified in a secular sense where He is using me to impact the younger generation is just humbling. People helping me with starting my own businnes even tho I feel I like I don't know what I'm doing and feel so much less experienced compared to all the other music/dance teachers out there. He's giving me opportunities, He's opening doors, that I could not have opened on my own.
I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
How can I not give my life to Him??? At the time, I think feeding my flesh will bring my happiness and joy. I feel that His way is restricting, stale, boring, and emtpy. But I take a step of obedience, although I may not get what I think I needed or wanted... I end up getting exactly what I need---- His peace, His comfort, His assurance, a light yoke, unburdened, taken care of, a true sense of wellness.... safety, and feeling truly well taken care of even though I am still waiting on Him.. even tho I don't know what will happen. But I know it will be alllllllllllllllllll good and more than that..... He will exceed my expectations and give me more that I ask or imagine. It will be way better than I can conjure in my mind... better than what I think would be best. You are the Lover of My Soul God. You always have been and always will be no matter how far I stray or how close I get to you. Help me remember that.
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| I finished a painting that I started 3 years ago when I was living in Walnut. It's actually a small landscape trail area in Walnut. I started painting on the site. And never finished. This is a huge praise.. cuz this is the first painting I have finished since I had to take a break from painting due to hand injuries. Praise God, I didn't have any pain in my hands or arms when painting this!!!! I think I'm ready to do some more painting!!!
The painting below is called walnut meadow. let me know whatcha think! I gave it away to a teacher who teaches second grade as something to leave behind as I end my teaching at alpha beacon. I was teaching art for her class and thought it would be a very meaningful gift for the students to remember me. If I had more time, I would have changed some things here in there in the painting. But I was on a time crunch and God is teaching me not to have everything "perfect." So this is how it turned out in the end.
Enjoy!
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| prayer supportLately.. I've been able to really see the fruit of all the refinement, suffering, I've gone through over the past 5 years... dealing with family issues, health problems, relational issues, career change, etc. I'm amazed where I am at today. I feel like a total different person!
I sense that God is really planting me on a solid rock, He's making me into a strong woman of God... and securing in who I am in Him. It's really freeing.
The past couple days have been a lil depressing.... and I need your prayers and would appreciate your encouragement.
I was involved in a car accident this past sunday. thankfully, no injuries... no one was harmed.. I was just the passenger.. but to go through a significant accident was kinda a scary thing.
Giving grades to students.. esp bad grades is really hard. I had to give an F to a student.. who I knew was not going to take it well. Basically he attacked me and said some really nasty things to me. Added unto that... my co-worker teacher attacked me back when I suggested to change something in how we run our classtime. At work... I don't think I had time to really process through all these emotions... being in teacher mode... I just swallowed all these things. But going home.. I realized.. dude... that was not cool! Someone telling you how much that hate your class or dislike you is not a pleasant thing.. and is hard to just brush off even if it's coming from a 16 year old... lots of negative energy. And it's hard to channel that out of my system!
A bigger burden.. I feel I'm facing is taking care of my aging sick parents. My dad will be under going surgery because his kidney is failing. sigh. Another big operation. God has performed miracles after miracles.. and yet I wonder.. maybe his mercies will cease and end sometime... soon... my mom of course is bailing out on responsibility and flying away to LA or something because she "can't handle" it and thinks she will breakdown if she stays. So I as the only daughter close by will have to carry the responsibility. Of course.. I want to be there for my dad... but it's the dynamic that I'm concerned about (if you guys know what I'm talking about) and what it means about my future and their future.
Please pray that God will help me release all these burdens and accusations/negativity on the cross so that I can still maintain the joy of the Lord. That I would be able to spend some really good quality time in the Word and in His presence so that even these circumstantial events will not shake me up! Thanks!
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| if interested, check out a short solo clip of me dancing in a piece I choreographed at my school in my videoblog.
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| yay! I have spring break! and it's sooo good to take it easy and not feel like I have to go from one thing to the next. instead, I can take my time, enjoy the weather, friends, and catch up on sleep.
I was able to finally sit down in one sitting to watch a movie... haven't been able to do that for awhile.
Life has been so busy.. in a good way... but it's now time to chill and relax... to have a week of sabbath and fun!
Yes!
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